Four years ago this week, my mom requested to be placed on a pain pump, knowing that most people pass within days of being put on the pump. The following Saturday, with was Jan 15th, I had to take a very high stakes test, one that would determine if I was able to continue working or not: Praxis II, Pedagogical practices.
I had totally forgotten about this test, a test that I was required to take within my first three years of teaching. I was reminded of it at the end of the prior year when another teacher had to take it. With that reminder, I signed up in July to take the test in January, figuring that would give me a few months to study and be prepared to take this test. However, my world fell apart that year as my mom's condition became worse, and we discovered her cancer.
January 15th, the day I was scheduled to take the test, came much more quickly than I was prepared for.Mom had been on the pain pump for almost a week, and Hospice said she could pass away at any time. My mind was not on the test. I was terrified mom would pass away while I was taking the test and I wouldn't be there. I was terrified someone would come in to get me in the middle of the test and I would fail and never be a teacher again. It was horrible! I couldn't even remember a single question. I was sure I failed!
The worst part was waiting after the test to find out how I did. In a way I was lucky. With my mom being sick, and then passing away, I didn't think about the results of this test.
I was blessed. No other way around it. In a time of high stress, when I couldn't even think straight, was hardly sleeping, and was in the midst of panic attacks almost daily, I not only passed this high stakes test, I excelled! I scored in the top 10%. I know I was being watched over. Much as I am being watched over now.
There is no doubt the past four years have been hell for me. My mom died, I had severe health issues and had to quit my job, and as a family we had the most financial troubles we had ever experienced, which also led to some marital stress.
I have prayed and prayed about what to do. How can I help our family? What am I supposed to do?
This past week has been a great reminder for me that i am being watched over. Last Thursday, I was checking my email and happened to see a posting from Teacher-teacher, a job listing site for educational jobs. It was for a teaching position at a residential treatment center in Southern Utah. I have always wanted to work in alternative education, what that looked like I wasn't sure, but I knew I wanted to work with kids outside of mainstream public education. So I saw this job, and felt something. I submitted my application, then proceeded to go about my day.
I signed up for a couple of subbing jobs, did some laundry, etc. and then., less than three hours after I submitted my application, I was called and asked if I would be willing to do a video interview via Google Hangouts the next day. I said sure. I figured I didn't really have anything to lose.
Meanwhile, one of the jobs I signed up to sub for, canceled on me. And I could never seem to get any other jobs. They were either way too far away (Alpine) or an Elementary school job, so I didn't have any work.
I interviewed on Friday. It went fantastically! The job sounded amazing; everything about it was like a dream come true! I wanted it. I wanted it bad! And Yesterday, I found out I had the job.
There are so many reasons why this is an answer to so many prayers. The first is Ryan and Sarah's health. Every winter, when the inversion hits, they both get really sick. Last year, Sarah had Pneumonia or Bronchitis four times in three months. She has already been sick once this winter, so I am very grateful to be getting them out of the bad air and into the cleaner air.
Along with better air quality, it is dryer, which is much better for Ryan's allergies. He can breathe so much better there than here!
Also a huge blessing financially. With me not working, things have been tight, to put it mildly. With this job, and me having an income again, we will be so much better off! We won't be rich, but we will not have to scrimp to buy bread either.
Another blessing is just for me. Because the winters are so much more mild there, I will be able to get out and go walking. It will give me a chance to feel better about myself again. Plus I just need a change. Every time I drive down the highway, I see the care center where my mom died, and it's just hard. I need a positive change.
With this job, I see the hand of the Lord, someone I thought had forgotten me. And I am grateful. While this week is hard, and this day is hard, I am so grateful to be able to see some positive things happening.
