time to get back to normal

But how is that possible? Let me explain. A little over a week ago we received a call that my brother-in-law was in the hospital. Nobody could really tell us anything. They thought it was a heart attack, then they thought it was a stroke, but nobody could tell us anything except he was in a coma. everything else that was going on in my life was put on hold from that moment. We found out last Monday that there was no brain activity, but they wanted to make sure of that so they repeated the test telling us that, most likely, it wouldn't make any difference. So they repeat the test on Tuesday. Wednesday we get the final results: He is brain dead. We were now faced with the decision about life support. When do we remove it? How can we remove it? How can we not? The decision was made and his ventilator was removed Wed. evening. He passed away Thursday at 11:30am. The rest of the week passed in a blur of phone calls, funeral arrangements, and tears. The funeral was yesterday and now that it is over, It is time for life to get back to normal.

But what is normal? Normal for us has been changed so drastically that we are now finding ourselves redefining it. Normal no longer includes talking to Blake two or three times a week. It no longer includes calling Blake to help with our house. It no longer involves seeing Blake when he drops by to ask for help about his truck, or help writing something for his business. We don't have a "normal" anymore. So how can we just expect life to return to normal?

Because the funeral was yesterday, Hubby had to go back to work today. I had to go back to school. The kids had to go back to the sitter. We are supposed to go on and jump right back where we left off, but we can't. I couldn't even finish my entire day. It was too overwhelming. It was too much. I just couldn't understand why everyone was acting as if nothing had happened when my world was changed. But that's just it. It was my world changed, not everyone else's.

So now we are picking up the pieces and trying to move on. It will take time. And it won't be easy, but we have to move on. Luckily we have some things in our favor. I have great professors who are being very understanding. One has gone so far as to tell me I am not allowed to hand in any of the work I missed until April. Hubby's work has been equally great. He is being paid for three of the four days he missed. That is a great blessing for us. Here we have been worrying wondering if he would even have a job to go back to because he left and didn't go back for almost a week and not only does he have a job, he is getting paid for the time he was at the hospital and planning the funeral.

As for getting back to "normal?" well finding our new normal will take some time. It will take hard work, and I am sure there will plenty of tears involved. But we will find it. After all, Blake wouldn't have wanted us to stop living. He would have wanted us to enjoy life.

So to wrap this up, a few of my memories:
Blue
Fishing at Scofield with the ice just a few feet off shore
his way with all the kids
Easter egg hunting
Becka and Creg's birthday parties
Homemade ice cream
Beef Jerky
Hunting
Bryce Canyon
Family reunion
Lake Tahoe
Sunday picnics
Saturday BBQ's
Building the pond, and the gazebo, and the house, and the roof, and my house
Brighton
being "your wife"
gardening
selling produce at the park
teasing
teasing
and teasing
the laughter
camping
eagles
elk
and so many other things it would take too long to list.
Thank you, Blake, For being you, and being a part of my life