A sad story.

First of all, I am sorry my Blog has been such a downer. It seems we all go through phases in life and right now, my life is just full of tragedies. Another one occurred this morning. One of my good friend's husband committed suicide this morning. I am shocked and saddened for her. And all the while the things I "coulda, woulda, shoulda" done keep running through my mind. I knew she was having some struggles, I should have called her to see what I could do, but I was too wrapped up in my own struggles to look at someone elses. I could have invited them both down for dinner and games like Hubby and I talked about doing. We could have went to visit them more often... So many things.

But now there is no time for that. While I will harbor these regrets for the rest of my mortal life, there is nothing I can do to change what happened. There is nothing I can say to her that will change the outcome. Her husband is still gone. He took his own life, leaving her and everyone else to wonder and question what could have prevented this.

I know he could not have been in his right frame of mind to do this. I know he must have been struggling with issues so large and dark that he felt trapped. I know that he must have felt he was doing his family a favor. I know all of this because I am reminded of how I felt when i was tempted to take my own life. I also know that no matter what anyone said or did, nothing could have changed his mind. Because I was the only one that could change my mind. It didn't matter how often my Hubby told me he couldn't live without me. I only saw what I felt. And I honestly felt the world would be better off without me.

The only thing I can say or do right now is think that he is where he needs to be to get the help he needs. I just feel so bad for his wife. She is the sweetest lady I know and I will pray for her and pray that I will know what to do when I see her. I want to help her and be there for her. And I pray I will know how to do that.

So Again, I am sorry my blog has been a downer lately, I do have some good news to share, but I will share it in another post in a day or two. I just can't do it today.